Q1 – MC, what’s an Emotionologist?
An Emotionologist is a specialist of emotional intelligence and emotionology. In more familiar terms, I’m a Personal Development Coach as well as a Weight Loss Coach and I work with women to help them achieve personal, business, relationship, health, or financial goals by leveraging the power of emotions.
The reason I put up my shingle up as an Emotionologist is I want to be up front with anyone who wishes to work with me. My clients need to be willing to connect with their emotions in the process of achieving their goals.
Q2 – Why is it so important that you be up front about that?
You’d be surprised at how reluctant women can be about embracing their emotional nature.
Throughout my years of practice, I’ve noticed that clients who achieve their goals the fastest and with most ease were those who are capable of connecting to emotions. By “connecting,” I mean they can feel their emotions (even the negative ones), they’re able to express their emotions, they perceive the emotions of others around them, and they are willing to learn how to leverage emotions. Of course, here we’re talking about positive emotions like confidence, optimism, passion, and trust. We can only achieve goals towards which we feel positively.
The opposite is also true: Clients who were less capable or willing to tap into their emotions either didn’t achieve their goals at all or took a lot more time to achieve them. This is not meant to be disrespectful or judgmental, it’s an observation.
So, back to your question, the reason I’m up front about informing my prospective clients that they need to be emotionally open to work with me is that I want to see them achieve their goals.
Q3 – How long have you been coaching?
I began in 2008 so just under 9 years. I have over 600 coaching hours.
Q4 – Are you a certified coach?
Yes, I’m a Certified Executive Coach. I earned my Graduate Certificate of Executive Coaching from Royal Roads University in Victoria, Canada. I’m also credentialed as a member of the International Coach Federation currently at the ACC level, soon to be PCC.
(If all goes well, I should be a PCC by the time this show airs on The Learning Curve. ;-))
Q5 – You said something earlier that I want to come back to. You said that clients who achieved their goals faster and with more ease were those who connected with emotions, is that right?
Q6 – Isn’t this something we’re supposed to do naturally as humans like breathing and walking?
Well, you would think so.
Primitive humans connected to their emotions much more instinctively than modern-day humans. In fact, emotions are believed to have been part of our survival gear.
However, through our evolution, we’ve come to value intellect and knowledge much more than our capacity to feel. In the process, we’ve become disconnected from our emotional body.
I can say I was guilty as charged until a few years ago. Just like most women I know, there were a handful of negative emotions that I felt but did not WANT to feel. For me it was anger, sadness, and loneliness. For others, it might be frustration or resentment. Because it feels uncomfortable to feel them and we don’t know how to release or leverage them, we repress them and usually numb them.
We numb negative emotions shopping, overeating or eating junk, sleeping too much, drinking a bit too much wine, self-medicating, and saving Bora Bora pins to Pinterest boards! Numbing is so common, we could almost say it’s a norm.
Q7 – I can relate to that. I’d like to hear more, MC, about the women who connect with ease or willingness to their emotions.
Well, Nicholla, these women have a much greater chance of being successful and I’m using a holistic version of the definition of success meaning that we have a greater chance of being healthy, happy, and more satisfied with their work as well as with their finances.
Q8 – Are you saying that if we learned to reconnect with our emotional nature, we would be more successful?
I feel so strongly about the benefits of reconnecting to our emotional nature that I’ve made it my life’s Purpose to research this topic and to apply my findings to help women reconnect emotionally or, as I like to say, to help women master emotions so that they can be successful.
Q9 – I need to clarify one more thing before you help us master our emotions. We often say women are “emotional.” What does that mean in this context?
Often, though not always, a woman will claim to have been emotional when she cried or felt intense emotion and displayed behaviour that might be labelled, by onlookers, as a sign of “weakness” or as lacking self-control.
It’s as if the word “emotional” implies an excessive expression of emotion. I believe this negative connotation is a by-product of that evolutionary trend I referred to earlier where being rational is much more highly regarded than being emotional.
Personally, I wish we would put a more positive spin on the word “emotional” but I trust that this will come as people realize the benefits of tuning into their emotions.
Q10 – Good, thank you. I have a feeling that my listeners are curious about how they can ease their way to success by mastering emotions.
There are many things we can do to master emotions. We have limited time today but we’re going to make the best of it. I’m going to share one fact and two strategies with your listeners to get them started.
Great! What’s the first one?
It’s a fact that, I hope, will give food for thought to your listeners. I know that when I realized this, it was a huge incentive for me to master my emotions.
FACT – Consider that all negative emotions trigger the stress response.
Really? Can you explain that a bit?
Let’s put this into context and you’ll see.
What proportion of your week do you feel negatively?
I’m not sure! That’s hard to say. No two weeks are the same.
That’s true for many people. Say you picked an average week of work and a bit of play.
Okay, I guess I feel negatively about 40% of the time.
Do you know that when your body experiences stress, there are stress hormones like adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine that circulate in your body causing wear and tear on your organs and tissues?
Now, let’s calculate how many hours is 40%. How many hours do you sleep?
Okay, that leaves 17 hours/day of waking hours x 7 = 119 hours X 40% = 47.6 hrs/wk.
Think about it. By thinking negative thoughts, you are causing your body damage for as many hours as many of us work/wk.
You’re not alone. For some people, it’s more than this, for others, it’s less.
Can you see that the less negative we feel, the less damage we inflict?
Yes, of course, it makes sense.
Before we go on to STRATEGY #1, may I add something?
Some listeners might be hearing us right now and thinking to themselves, “If I could feel less negatively, I would! I can’t because of this circumstance, that condition or this person or that situation…”
For many people, it’s a very BIG leap towards self-empowerment to accept that they cause themselves harm by entertaining negative thoughts. Accepting the responsibility for changing those thoughts regardless of circumstances is difficult if you don’t feel that you have the capacity to do so.
What do you suggest?
If this is the case for some of the women listening in, I encourage you think about a situation when you took responsibility and influenced things positively.
Maybe your business was not generating the numbers you wanted and took the responsibility for your results by hiring a consultant to help you out. Perhaps you were in a relationship with a person who was giving you the silent treatment. You took it upon yourself to initiate dialogue in a loving way because you wanted to see your friendship or partnership evolve positively.
You see, when you take responsibility, you’re able to make things go your way.
Let me summarize that. Well-being is a choice and if we want our body to be healthy and feel good, being aware of the damage caused by negative emotions can be an empowering incentive to take more responsibility for the way we feel.
Okay, I’m in. I’m taking responsibility for the way I feel. How do I go from feeling negatively to feeling positively?
This is exactly what the next two strategies will help you with.
STRATEGY #1: Move to get into the groove!
The easiest and fastest way to change the way you feel is by moving your body.
Yes, I do that all the time. When I start….comment
Can you give us a few examples of how we can move to get into the groove?
Everybody’s done this one before: We’re sitting at our desk feeling tired and lacking focus so we instinctively get up and go for a quick stretch, a pee break, a glass of water. By doing that, we shift our physical energy which automatically shifts our mental an emotional energy.
When we come back to whatever we were doing, we catch a typo or we find better words or we have a new idea or a fresh perspective.
Would it be fair to say that this works for a lightly negative state?
You got it!
Let’s say I just received some very bad news and I need to work on a project with a deadline. I’m in a deeper negative state and I really need to shift to a positive state, fast. How do I move to get into the groove then?
If you’re a runner, you can go for a 20-minute run.
I’m not a runner but I love yoga. So, what I do when working from home, is I go on my favourite yoga website – doyogawithme.com – and I roll out my mat for a 30-minute class.
If you like kickboxing, that’s a great way to shift emotional energy, especially anger.
Basically, do any physical activity that will occupy your mind so that you momentarily stop thinking about the bad news and you spark a positive state by moving your muscles.
I know this is basic information but how many of us just sit with the bad news for much longer than we need to; we get on the phone or FB and we call or text a friend to share the news, then we go to the fridge and grab something to swallow the bad news or we continue working with only partial attention and get annoyed at the poor quality of our work or by the extra time it’s taking us to do the work?
Yes, that’s so true. But none of that changes the negative emotion we feel.
For women who don’t exercise MC, what else can they do?
One of the most powerful ways to move to get into the groove is to perform an incantation.
It would be hard to demonstrate an incantation with audio only. What I encourage your listeners to do is to go on YouTube and search incantation. There are a bunch of people who do incantations. Personally, I like Tony Robbins’ videos. I believe he’s actually the one who popularized incantations although humans have done them for thousands of years.
The important thing about incantations is you need to use words and body movements that feel natural to you. Inspire yourself from what others do but then customize your own incantations.
Once you’ve created one. You do it daily when you get up in the morning. This will rev up your energy and put you into the groove before you even have the chance of feeling negatively.
You can also get up and do your incantation when, like you said, bad news just landed on your doorstep and you need to shift the negative emotion and get back into the groove, into a positive state, to accomplish something important.
Thank you! How about that second strategy to shift from negative emotions to positive emotions.
Strategy #2: Park Your Thought!
First, you need to be aware of the ‘one thought-one emotion’ rule.
This means that when I’m feeling a negative emotion like worry, doubt, shame, guilt, fear, etc., it’s because I’ve entertained a negative thought. It’s impossible that I feel a negative emotion unless I’ve thought a negative thought.
The opposite is also true. If I’m feeling a positive emotion, it’s because I’ve entertained a positive thought.
I know this is not earth-shattering insight.
No but I understand that you want to make sure everyone understands the one-thought-one-emotion-rule before we move on to learning how to park our thoughts. So, you said, we think positive thoughts, we feel positive emotion. We think negative thoughts, we feel negative emotion.
Let’s go through the very simple 3-step process of parking our thoughts.
First, I’ll give you the steps and then we’ll go through an example to illustrate the Park Your Thought process.
STEP 1 – Acknowledge the thought.
STEP 2 – Park the thought.
STEP 3 – Choose a day and time when you’re going to come back to the thought. Of course, parking the thought is only a temporary measure. We eventually have to deal with it.
Okay, so now, walk us through an example.
STEP 1: Acknowledge the thought.
Give me a negative feeling that you sometimes feel.
Good. Overwhelm. You want to shift this negative emotion you can get back to business, right?
So, for STEP 1, you ask yourself, “What am I thinking that’s making me feel this way?”
Instantly, your mind gives the answer:
(Your answer) Ex. I have too much to do in my business while my assistant is ill.
STEP 2: Park the thought.
The thought in STEP 1 – I have too much to do in my business while my assistant is ill – might be true but just imagine yourself gently cupping it in your hands like a baby bird and placing it in a small nest in the corner of your mind.
This might sound a bit weird but it is important that you be compassionate with the thought. If you judge it and treat it as a nuisance, it will have its way with you.
So, please, remember to park the thought with care.
Got it. I’ve parked my thought.
STEP 3: Choose a day and a time to return to the thought.
When would you like to come back to this thought?
I guess after I’ve finished a certain task that needs my immediate attention.
Okay, good. Make sure you’re very specific in your mind about the time at which you will retrieve the thought from the nest. How long will your task take?
If I’m working on a podcast interview, I want to come back to it in 3 hours.
What time will it be then?
Great. Take a mental note of 3 pm or write it down if you wish.
Now, with that thought parked, if you were in your office right now, what would you do?
I’d get busy with my podcast interview. Why/how does this work MC?
Well, as we said earlier, when our mind entertains a negative thought, the body feels the negative emotions.
The “reality” of your negative thought – in your case, your assistant being ill leading to a full plate – continues to be real until the reality changes. But you don’t have control over your assistant being ill. So thinking this thought will just keep triggering the feeling of overwhelm and the situation will go from bad to worse.
Instead, by parking the thought, you momentarily free your mind from the grip of the negative emotions which allows you to think creatively and, in that specific instant, you can make a conscious decision to do something productive.
And when you’re productive, you generate a sense of satisfaction which is a positive emotion. From this higher vibrational state, you can retrieve the thought and because you’re feeling good, your neocortex will be able to deal with it more effectively…unless, of course, you go back to feeling overwhelmed.
In that case, you can park the thought again and see what happens or you can deal with the situation by cancelling appointments or tasks to lighten your plate until your assistant returns. By doing this, the overwhelm lessens or disappears completely.
Thank you, MC